It is a true joy to be writing again after a six month hiatus. To be sure, I did not intend to launch Live Lavender only to stop short after a couple of months. But some things aren’t left up to me to decide. Life really got in the way for a while, and by that I mean I got in my own way.
Launching this blog was, and still is, deeply scary. What I write here, what I share with all of you, is much different than when I sit at Starbucks with a friend, or chat during my commute about faith, mission and personal philosophies. Here, the world can judge, criticize, engage or ignore what I have to share. Further still, people can connect with what I am writing and depend on me to say inspiring and profound life-changing things! No matter which direction readers were going in, it became all to clear to me that my work was up for critique. I’m not so sure my soul, my heart or my ego, was up to the various responses.
The result of this fear was a shut down and oh so many excuses not to write. My Facebook friends aren’t interested! It’s winter and I want to sleep like a bear until Spring comes! The dogs need brushing! The laundry needs folding! I should put extra work in on that project! It’s no wonder I didn’t reject the computer in favor of cleaning the grout in the kitchen. (Even I will not go that far; ask my husband!) The excuses, the procrastination, piled up and I almost chalked my writing up to another hobby I tried and wasn’t good at. However, at that precise time, when I was giving up, my dear friend Maureen sent me yet another book suggestion, (that woman consistently finds interesting books online) and I decided to take it. The book is called The Next Right Thing, by Emily P. Freeman. It largely focuses on how to decide what your next right thing to do in life is. That “thing” could be as simple as how to approach exercise, to traveling the world or following a passion. It’s a great book and has all kinds of helpful companions tools (podcast, classes, etc.) which I highly recommend. Emily share important insights, all of which I will not get into here, but one stands out more than others. She reminds her readers that whatever reason we give for doing or not doing something, don’t let fear be one of them.
Well thank you Emily P. Freeman for reminding me that I am filled with fear, doubt and insecurity! No really, thank you. While it is hard to admit, it is the truth. When friends didn’t all jump in and comment on blog posts, when I didn’t get the positive affirmation from more than the usual suspects, when I felt like proposing a counter-cultural life was risking too much, I caved in. I retreated to the safe place and stopped writing. Then I was reminded, while reflecting on Emily’s book, that I started this blog because I felt called to write. I felt the need for my voice to be out in the world where people could find an alternative to hate, anger, fear, discrimination and negativity. My need to write, my calling to write, is to bring a peaceful, mindful, soulful way of approaching our every day life and the choices we make. Certainly that is a calling that I should not abandon, right? There is nothing wrong that can come from this place but there is a mountain of regret that will result in abandoning the climb.
And so with that, here I am back at the computer with a renewed sense of self, purpose and an idea of what my next right thing will be. I will continue to be here, out on this limb, sharing my thoughts and experiences, no matter what may come. These six months have had a significant God-sized gap but it has, and will continue to be, bridged by the Holy Spirit within me and the work of God shining through those people in my circle who believe in what this work is all about.
I look forward to spending more time with you as we continue on together.